B Movies

Picture the scene…

It’s two o’clock in the morning, you’re crashing in your friend’s basement for one reason or another, you happen to stop on this one channel and there’s a movie showing.

And you stop.

There’s something unusual about this movie.  No… several things.  The acting is bad, the writing is bad, the plot makes no sense is is often contradictory, the special effects are anything but, and some perverse little voice in the recesses of your brain are telling you that this particular scene is but a tiny part of a much larger disappointment.  You want to change the channel… but you can’t.   You want to turn the TV off… but you can’t.  You want to do something – anything – except watch this travesty of a credit to the cinematic industry… but you can’t.

Instead, you keep watching.  Not because you are entertained or enthralled; far from it.  You keep watching because deep down, you are disturbingly fascinated and innately curious as to how much worse this film is going to get before this film ends, the screen cuts to black and the credits finally, mercifully begin to scroll.

These are the kinds of movies I like!

For example:






Think about it: why waste my time watching a movie that:

  • Features celebrities whom I’ve likely seen in a dozen other films and shows.
  • Has a formulaic plot which I can usually predict within the first five minutes.
  • Has special effects that attempt to suspend disbelief to such an extent that I’ve lost all sense of my own awareness of self.

When instead, I can watch a totally original film that is not only bad, but isn’t even trying to be good!  There’s something almost zen about B movies’ execution.  A list films strive for perfection and as such are often judged harshly, whereas B movies are just themselves and tend to get along just fine.  So, when you think about it, B movies are the stronger type, despite their obvious shortcomings.

As such, I’m making it a personal mission to absorb as many of these cinematic achievements as I can, and recently I became acquainted with “Locusts,” released in 2005 and starring Lucy Lawless.  She’s come a long way since her Xena days.

I routinely post reviews of these gems, so be sure to check back.  Remember, you can trust my insights; I’m a college professor!